 It can sometimes be difficult to know if we’re in the honeymoon phase of a new exciting relationship or being “love bombed”.
Love bombing is when someone is saying and doing things we’ve always wanted but somehow it seems disingenuous or lacks the depth of experience it would take to get there.
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 When Should We Share Something?There is so much conflict in the world made worse by violent speech.
An antidote to this is sharing mindfully.  Feed Relationships with Positive ExperiencesThe Magic Relationship Ratio for stable and happy relationships is 5 positive interactions (or more) for every 1 negative one. (Credit for Research on Magic Ratio: @gottmaninstitute & Robert Levenson)
It can be surprising to hear this but based on our self-protective negativity bias as humans we tend to focus on the negative for longer periods of time.  Apologizing Isn't Always NecessaryApologies are necessary in relationships but when we overdo it when it’s unnecessary it becomes problematic.
We don’t need to apologize for our existence.  Asking for What We NeedMuch of what we actually need is someone to sit with us in our pain and distress.
Too often we jump to problem solving mode and do a psychological bypass over getting to know what ails us.  Being Vulnerable is CourageousIt makes us stronger to acknowledge our pain and more likely that we can heal when we do so.
 Having conflict and resolving it well helps build intimacy in relationships.
But there are ways that conflict can be destructive too.  Poor Behaviors Aren't NecessaryJust because we feel strongly about something doesn’t mean we have the right to treat others poorly.
This isn’t about perfection or being robotic, it’s about learning and taking responsibility for our lives  Benefits of Mindful EndingsBeing able to gracefully end relationships helps us develop and maintain the skills for satisfying relationships.
 Have Reasonable ExpectationsToo often we’re told to “Rise Above” or “Be the Bigger Person” in situations where we’re being poorly treated.
This can too easily be misinterpreted that we shouldn’t advocate for ourselves, ask for more or set appropriate boundaries  True Apologies are Necessary for Us AllApologies are essential in all human relationships.
After all, we are human and mess up at times. That’s how we learn, heal and grow.  Self-Reflection Doesn't Always Include ChangingWe cannot please everyone.
Sometimes our actions, words or beliefs make other people feel uncomfortable.  Venting versus DumpingProcessing our feelings with trustworthy people can be incredibly helpful.
However, there’s a difference between venting in healthy ways and emotionally dumping.  Words of Affirmation MatterAt the end of the day we all want to be seen and valued for who we REALLY are.
It can be a rare gift to give/receive words of affirmation not just for our appearance or role in life but for our character and how we show up in the world.  It's Okay to Have ConditionsHaving conditions in adult relationships may not sound very romantic but they’re essential nevertheless.
Conditions and basic expectations help relationships thrive if they’re healthy or end if they’re not working well enough for all parties involved.  We all have legitimate narcissistic needs for love, attention and validation.
When these become extreme and out of control, they come at the expense of anyone around us and are only temporarily met.  Having Needs is Being HumanWhen someone calls us “Too Needy” it’s often because they don’t want to meet our needs, not that there’s anything problematic about them in the first place.
 Recognizing Signs without JudgmentRecognizing the signs someone is emotionally unavailable frees us up to find the right fit with someone else who is ready for what we want.
We don’t need to pathologize them or us in the process.  Saying No is EssentialOne of the essential ways we can set healthier boundaries is by saying no.
Knowing a variety of ways of saying no can help us when it’s especially difficult to do so.  Exploring our Blind SpotsIf we want to be in a long term relationship but keep finding ourselves with someone who isn’t available, it’s likely there’s something unconscious going on.
The more we can be curious, instead of judgmental, the more we can look at our blind spots to increase self-awareness about this dynamic and make subsequent changes.  Realistic ExpectationsThere are some essentials that we deserve to give and receive in relationships that help them function at their best.
 Codependency DefinitionCodependency is when we live our lives through over-identifying with others feelings, beliefs, and needs to the point where we lose our sense of self.
 Being Proactive is KeyThe way we show up in relationships is ultimately what makes them easier.
It takes some upfront proactive work but can save a lot of unnecessary time and drama along the way.  Recognize Signs of GaslightingHave you ever had someone question your reality when even the truth was observable and obvious?
This is likely an example of gaslighting where someone else denies the truth and tries to instill doubt in you. |
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