Are You an Asker or a Guesser?

Differing Communication Styles

There’s value in asserting our needs both directly and sensitively.

Misunderstandings and hurt feelings happen more easily when someone else is operating from a different way of making requests.

Knowing the differences of “Ask Culture” versus “Guess Culture” can clear up the confusion.

There's not one right way to be in the world.

Context maters, including what kind of relationship you have with the other person.

Ask Culture:

• it can't hurt ask
• it's okay to say no to requests
• be upfront and direct
• prefer certainty over discomfort

• can be perceived as rude or presumptuous
• can feel blunt, insensitive and put others on the spot

Guess Culture:

• don't ask unless you're sure it's okay and they'll say yes
• drop hints or vague suggestions
• saying no is VERY uncomfortable

• sensitive to nonverbal communication
• not very assertive and can be passive-aggressive
• prefer comfort over clarity leading to misunderstandings

We're more likely to be direct with close friends or strangers than with dates, bosses  or acquaintances.

Knowing if someone is being an asker or a guesser can clear up many misunderstandings.

Learning to speak in both ways, depending on the context, gives us more ways to navigate relationships.

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