Scapegoats See the Family Dysfunction
Have you felt like a lone wolf in your family that gets a lot of pressure to blend in?
Being the family scapegoat is a challenging position to be in but also gives greater freedom to chart our own course.
Good Enough is Enough
Giving ourselves the grace of “good enough” is a gift that keeps on giving.
The irony is that we’re often able to do/be better than we otherwise would in chasing the mythical place of perfection.
Spending Our Time Wisely
It’s a self-empowering act to stop chasing people but rather spend our time more wisely with people who value our presence and naturally have time/interest in reciprocating.
Coming Back to the Present
It’s easy to “future trip” when our present is already so challenging.
Instead of worrying about a future that may never come to fruition, coming back to the present moment and cultivating moments of playfulness, pleasure, connection and gratitude is the antidote.
Why We Do What We Do
When we find ourselves doing things that ultimately drain us, it’s frequently because we’ve internalized dysfunctional societal expectations.
Caring for Our Inner Child
No one has a “perfect” childhood but the need to reparent ourselves is especially critical when our needs were consistently unmet.
Childhood wounds can interrupt our lives into adulthood but thankfully we can still learn, heal and grow.
Core Values Connects Us to What Matters
When we’re connected to our life’s purpose and prioritize this in our daily lives, we live more fully.
Childhood Abuse Impacts Us into Adulthood
An integral part of healing from childhood abuse is recognizing the ways that it impacts us in the present.
Introversion is Not Social Anxiety
We can confuse introversion with social anxiety, but they’re very different.
Introversion is a personality characteristic where we feel re-energized by spending alone time. It doesn’t mean we don’t also like being around people.
Relationships Activate Past Wounds
Our most intimate relationships have a way of activating our past wounds and bringing to light the areas we need to work on.
Know that while relationships can be messy they can still be worth the price of admission.
Living Our Most Authentic Lives Matters
One of the questions I get asked the most as a therapist is, “Am I normal?”
Underneath this question is often a desire to fit in, to belong, and to know that we’re not alone.
Pathologizing Others Harms Us Too
Labeling other people’s behavior with derogatory and inaccurate terms is harmful for others but also for ourselves.
When we judge others harshly or project our own discomfort onto them, we’re less likely to give ourselves permission to be human and do our own growth.
More Compassion, Less Stigma
We’ve received so many messed up messages about food, eating, and our bodies that we can internalize these messages in harmful ways.
Instead of pathologizing and discriminating against diverse bodies, let’s appreciate all the colors of the body rainbow.
Imposter Syndrome Can Bring Growing Pains
One of my most memorable experiences feeling “Imposter Syndrome” was walking down the hallway of my new therapy office to greet my first client ever in private practice almost 22 years ago.
Feeling the anxiety of intense self-doubt can be paralyzing but it also can be the result of growing pains.
Toxic Positivity is a Psychological Bypass
When we deny anything considered “negative” in our lives and turn everything into a positive, we limit our natural experiences in life and we become less authentic.
Toxic positivity is fake positivity that becomes a psychological bypass over anything uncomfortable.
Healing Comes With Progress & Set Backs
Healing is often a slow and steady process with plenty of setbacks.
That’s perfectly okay.
Being Vulnerable is Courageous
It makes us stronger to acknowledge our pain and more likely that we can heal when we do so.
How We Use Our Time Matters
We don’t automatically heal or gain wisdom with the passing of time.
It’s how we use our lived experiences that gives us that.
Self-Criticism Often Leads to Repeat Behaviors
We believe that if we punish ourselves for past behaviors, that we’ll be less likely to repeat them.
Unfortunately, the opposite is true.
Awareness is Key to Self-Empowerment
Having a self-absorbed perfectionist for a boss can be a huge headache and even detrimental to our health and well-being in larger ways.
Interacting with them can erode our confidence and sense of reality as we’re constantly mistreated and even blamed for their own failures.
Replacing Self-Judgment with Self-Compassion
Our “Inner Child” represents that part of ourselves that is playful, creative and yet has also been hurt.
Instead of kicking ourselves when we’re down, we can learn to console ourselves with encouragement and love.
Taking Action Can Bring Insight
Having insight is certainly helpful but it’s not necessary for change.
Knowing ourselves is a life-long journey where we learn how to navigate life well.
Self-Reflection Doesn't Always Include Changing
We cannot please everyone.
Sometimes our actions, words or beliefs make other people feel uncomfortable.
We Can Have Internal Resolution without Forgiveness
While forgiveness is useful for minor offenses in ongoing relationships it isn’t a requirement for healing larger-scale abuses.
We too often are too quick to forgive as a way of trying to avoid the pain of what it actually takes to do so.
Get Curious Where Feelings Come From
Just because we’re feeling something — like anger, sadness, or hurt — doesn’t mean that it justifies or excuses our behaviors.
If we’re too quick to react when we’re activated we can make more mistakes.