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Why Radical Self-Acceptance Is the Best Gift

12/6/2024

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Key Points:

  • Embracing Radical Self-Acceptance: Fully embrace every part of yourself—strengths, flaws, thoughts, and feelings—without judgment. This creates a compassionate foundation for personal growth.
  • Breaking Free from Self-Judgment: Self-judgment stems from perfectionism and societal expectations, creating a gap between reality and idealized versions of ourselves. Replacing criticism with compassion breaks this cycle.
  • Cultivating Self-Compassion: Practice kindness toward yourself, recognize shared human struggles, and observe emotions mindfully to embrace imperfection and nurture self-compassion.
  • Transformative Practices for Growth: Use daily mindfulness, reframe mistakes as opportunities for growth, and celebrate small wins to foster self-acceptance and sustainable personal development.
  • Lasting Benefits of Self-Acceptance: Radical self-acceptance builds resilience, fosters authentic relationships, and supports growth fueled by curiosity and love rather than fear or shame.

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Letting Go of Perfectionism

11/16/2024

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Key Points:

  • Perfectionism’s Trap: Unrealistic standards create constant self-criticism, frustration, and a cycle of dissatisfaction.
  • Impact on Relationships: Perfectionism damages trust by imposing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others, blocking authentic connections.
  • Steps to Overcome Perfectionism: Aim for “good enough,” adopt a Practical Optimizer mindset, and commit to decisions without overthinking.
  • Self-Compassion as Key: Strive for excellence with self-compassion, viewing mistakes as growth opportunities.
  • Embrace Progress Over Perfection: Take small steps to embrace imperfection, fostering genuine growth and fulfillment.

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Lesson Learned on Hiking Trails in 2024

11/2/2024

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Key Points:

  • Escaping Digital Noise: Nature offers a peaceful escape from the constant stream of notifications and news, allowing space to reconnect with what matters.
  • Learning to Pace: Hiking solo has taught me the importance of listening to my rhythm and pacing myself for sustained progress.
  • Building Resilience: Facing physical challenges on the trail has strengthened my mental resilience, helping me tackle life’s obstacles with calm.
  • Gaining Perspective: Reaching a summit like Mt. Whitney puts life in perspective, reminding me of what truly matters.
  • Self-Compassion: Hiking fosters a kinder relationship with myself, teaching me to appreciate my strengths and let go of perfectionism.

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How to Stop People-Pleasing and Start Prioritizing Yourself

10/21/2024

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Key Points:

  • Acknowledge the Impact of People-Pleasing: Recognize how people-pleasing behavior leads to exhaustion, frustration, and disconnection from your true self.
  • Set Healthy Boundaries: Learning to say “no” and establish boundaries is crucial for maintaining your well-being and creating healthier relationships.
  • Practice Assertive Communication: Speak your truth without diminishing others, using clear and respectful communication to express your needs and desires.
  • Release Guilt and Self-Validate: Let go of the guilt associated with not meeting others’ expectations and focus on validating yourself, recognizing your strengths and accomplishments.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health by engaging in activities that nourish you and surrounding yourself with supportive people.

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Let Go of Over-Giving: Embrace Healthier Relationships

9/23/2024

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Key Points:

  • Acknowledging Your Emotional Reality: Identify your emotions, including anger, as valid indicators that your needs are unmet.
  • Compassionate Boundaries: Conflict arises when needs are unmet or misaligned. It’s acceptable to communicate your needs while setting boundaries with self-compassion.
  • Grieving and Letting Go: Allow yourself to grieve what was, what could have been, or the story of how the relationship "should" have looked, along with any unmet expectations.
  • Redirecting Your Energy: Stop demanding reciprocity and redirect your emotional energy toward activities and people who nourish and reciprocate your efforts.
  • Self-Compassion and Renewal: Practicing self-compassion acknowledges unmet needs and grief, creating space for healthier, more reciprocal relationships.

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Want Better Relationships? Start with Loving Yourself

9/9/2024

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Key Points:

  1. Honoring All Feelings: Recognize and validate your emotions, including anger, as important signals that your needs aren’t being met.
  2. Compassion with Boundaries: Understand that conflict arises from misaligned needs, and use self-compassion to communicate while setting boundaries when needs go unmet.
  3. Grieving and Letting Go: Allow yourself to grieve what once was, what could have been, or the idealized version of the relationship, while releasing unrealistic expectations.
  4. Redirecting Your Energy: Stop forcing reciprocity and invest your emotional energy in activities and people that give back and nourish you.
  5. Self-Compassion and Renewal: Embrace self-compassion as a way to honor your needs, grieve losses, and make space for healthier, more reciprocal relationships.

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Post-Traumatic Growth?

3/19/2022

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What is Post Traumatic Growth?

Opportunities for Growth

Trauma shatters our lives in so many profound ways.

While it takes tremendous effort to heal, it can also produce some incredible opportunities for growth.

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Not Everyone Deserves You

2/13/2022

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Not Everyone Deserves You

Surround Yourself with Love

We live life more fully when we surround ourselves with people who like us, value us, and prioritize us and we do the same with them.

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Signs of Losing Yourself

1/25/2022

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Signs of Losing Yourself

Neglecting Ourselves to Protect Ourselves

When life is especially painful and challenging we can lose ourselves in the process.

It’s often a defense to protect ourselves.

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Are you the Family Scapegoat?

1/12/2022

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Family Scapegoat

Scapegoats See the Family Dysfunction

Have you felt like a lone wolf in your family that gets a lot of pressure to blend in?

Being the family scapegoat is a challenging position to be in but also gives greater freedom to chart our own course.

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Good Enough is the New Perfect

1/7/2022

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Good Enough Not Perfect

Good Enough is Enough

Giving ourselves the grace of “good enough” is a gift that keeps on giving.

The irony is that we’re often able to do/be better than we otherwise would in chasing the mythical place of perfection.

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Stop Chasing People

1/5/2022

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Stop Chasing People

Spending Our Time Wisely

It’s a self-empowering act to stop chasing people but rather spend our time more wisely with people who value our presence and naturally have time/interest in reciprocating.

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Ways to Stop Future Tripping

1/1/2022

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Stop Future Tripping

Coming Back to the Present

It’s easy to “future trip” when our present is already so challenging.

Instead of worrying about a future that may never come to fruition, coming back to the present moment and cultivating moments of playfulness, pleasure, connection and gratitude is the antidote.

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Signs of Growing up Too Fast

12/29/2021

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Growing Up Too Fast

Why We Lose Our Childhood

When we’re forced to grow up too fast, we still have childlike needs that need to be met in adulthood.

Understanding what caused us to lose our childhood and ways to reparent ourselves in adulthood is the beginning.

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Dysfunctional Societal Expectations

12/24/2021

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Dysfunctional Societal Expectations

Why We Do What We Do

When we find ourselves doing things that ultimately drain us, it’s frequently because we’ve internalized dysfunctional societal expectations.

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Reparenting Ourselves with Love

12/17/2021

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Reparenting Our Inner Child

Caring for Our Inner Child

No one has a “perfect” childhood but the need to reparent ourselves is especially critical when our needs were consistently unmet.

Childhood wounds can interrupt our lives into adulthood but thankfully we can still learn, heal and grow.

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Finding What Truly Matters

12/10/2021

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What Really Matters

Core Values Connects Us to What Matters

When we’re connected to our life’s purpose and prioritize this in our daily lives, we live more fully.

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Impact of Childhood Trauma

12/2/2021

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Impact of Childhood Trauma

Childhood Abuse Impacts Us into Adulthood

An integral part of healing from childhood abuse is recognizing the ways that it impacts us in the present.

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Introversion vs Social Anxiety

11/8/2021

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Introversion vs Social Anxiety

Introversion is Not Social Anxiety

We can confuse introversion with social anxiety, but they’re very different.

Introversion is a personality characteristic where we feel re-energized by spending alone time. It doesn’t mean we don’t also like being around people.

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Love Triggers Us All

10/1/2021

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Love Triggers Us All

Relationships Activate Past Wounds

Our most intimate relationships have a way of activating our past wounds and bringing to light the areas we need to work on.

Know that while relationships can be messy they can still be worth the price of admission.

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Being "Normal" is NOT the Goal

9/30/2021

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Am I Normal?

Living Our Most Authentic Lives Matters

One of the questions I get asked the most as a therapist is, “Am I normal?”

Underneath this question is often a desire to fit in, to belong, and to know that we’re not alone.

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Don't Use Labels as a Weapon

9/28/2021

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Labels As Weapons

Pathologizing Others Harms Us Too

Labeling other people’s behavior with derogatory and inaccurate terms is harmful for others but also for ourselves.

When we judge others harshly or project our own discomfort onto them, we’re less likely to give ourselves permission to be human and do our own growth.

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Stop Weaponizing Emotional Eating

9/26/2021

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Stop Weaponizing Emotional Eating

More Compassion, Less Stigma

We’ve received so many messed up messages about food, eating, and our bodies that we can internalize these messages in harmful ways.

Instead of pathologizing and discriminating against diverse bodies, let’s appreciate all the colors of the body rainbow.

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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

9/24/2021

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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome Can Bring Growing Pains

One of my most memorable experiences feeling “Imposter Syndrome” was walking down the hallway of my new therapy office to greet my first client ever in private practice almost 22 years ago.

Feeling the anxiety of intense self-doubt can be paralyzing but it also can be the result of growing pains.

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Toxic Positivity Doesn't Work

9/23/2021

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Toxic Positivity Doesn't Work

Toxic Positivity is a Psychological Bypass

When we deny anything considered “negative” in our lives and turn everything into a positive, we limit our natural experiences in life and we become less authentic.

Toxic positivity is fake positivity that becomes a psychological bypass over anything uncomfortable.

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James Guay (#lmft39252)
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
​for clients residing in the State of California
310-405-0840
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  • Home
  • Appointments
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    • Anxiety Online Therapy
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  • Contact
  • Biography
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