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Going No Contact or Low Contact with Family

11/21/2024

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Key Points:

  • Understanding No and Low Contact: No contact involves completely cutting ties with a toxic family member, while low contact allows for limited, controlled interactions. Both strategies help protect mental and emotional well-being.
  • Recognizing Family Estrangement: Family estrangement often results from deep-rooted conflict, abuse, or neglect. This separation is usually a last resort after attempts to reconcile have failed, emphasizing the importance of self-preservation.
  • Navigating Societal Pressure: Society frequently encourages family loyalty despite harmful dynamics, making it difficult to cut ties. It’s crucial to prioritize personal well-being over societal expectations.
  • Establishing Clear Boundaries: When considering no or low contact, setting firm boundaries allows for respectful self-protection. Whether choosing limited contact or no contact, communicate needs clearly to avoid misunderstandings.
  • Healing and Support: Going no or low contact isn’t a quick fix; healing is a journey. Grieving the relationship’s loss, building a support system, and seeking professional guidance are essential steps to reclaiming peace and self-worth.

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Letting Go of Perfectionism

11/16/2024

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Key Points:

  • Perfectionism’s Trap: Unrealistic standards create constant self-criticism, frustration, and a cycle of dissatisfaction.
  • Impact on Relationships: Perfectionism damages trust by imposing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others, blocking authentic connections.
  • Steps to Overcome Perfectionism: Aim for “good enough,” adopt a Practical Optimizer mindset, and commit to decisions without overthinking.
  • Self-Compassion as Key: Strive for excellence with self-compassion, viewing mistakes as growth opportunities.
  • Embrace Progress Over Perfection: Take small steps to embrace imperfection, fostering genuine growth and fulfillment.

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How to Stop People-Pleasing and Start Prioritizing Yourself

10/21/2024

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Key Points:

  • Acknowledge the Impact of People-Pleasing: Recognize how people-pleasing behavior leads to exhaustion, frustration, and disconnection from your true self.
  • Set Healthy Boundaries: Learning to say “no” and establish boundaries is crucial for maintaining your well-being and creating healthier relationships.
  • Practice Assertive Communication: Speak your truth without diminishing others, using clear and respectful communication to express your needs and desires.
  • Release Guilt and Self-Validate: Let go of the guilt associated with not meeting others’ expectations and focus on validating yourself, recognizing your strengths and accomplishments.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health by engaging in activities that nourish you and surrounding yourself with supportive people.

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Let Go of Over-Giving: Embrace Healthier Relationships

9/23/2024

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Key Points:

  • Acknowledging Your Emotional Reality: Identify your emotions, including anger, as valid indicators that your needs are unmet.
  • Compassionate Boundaries: Conflict arises when needs are unmet or misaligned. It’s acceptable to communicate your needs while setting boundaries with self-compassion.
  • Grieving and Letting Go: Allow yourself to grieve what was, what could have been, or the story of how the relationship "should" have looked, along with any unmet expectations.
  • Redirecting Your Energy: Stop demanding reciprocity and redirect your emotional energy toward activities and people who nourish and reciprocate your efforts.
  • Self-Compassion and Renewal: Practicing self-compassion acknowledges unmet needs and grief, creating space for healthier, more reciprocal relationships.

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Post-Traumatic Growth?

3/19/2022

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What is Post Traumatic Growth?

Opportunities for Growth

Trauma shatters our lives in so many profound ways.

While it takes tremendous effort to heal, it can also produce some incredible opportunities for growth.

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Not Everyone Deserves You

2/13/2022

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Not Everyone Deserves You

Surround Yourself with Love

We live life more fully when we surround ourselves with people who like us, value us, and prioritize us and we do the same with them.

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Codependency versus Healthy Traits

1/30/2022

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Competing Needs for Autonomy versus Connection

We all have needs for independence/autonomy AND connectedness/togetherness.

These can feel like competing forces but when we integrate them in healthier ways, we experience interdependency.

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Signs of a Toxic Work Relationship

1/28/2022

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Toxic Work Friendship

Work Friendships Are Complicated

Work friendships are often complicated with competing personal and professional needs.

We need to recognize the signs when they become toxic so that we can limit our contact or set stronger boundaries.

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Signs of Losing Yourself

1/25/2022

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Signs of Losing Yourself

Neglecting Ourselves to Protect Ourselves

When life is especially painful and challenging we can lose ourselves in the process.

It’s often a defense to protect ourselves.

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Are you the Family Scapegoat?

1/12/2022

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Family Scapegoat

Scapegoats See the Family Dysfunction

Have you felt like a lone wolf in your family that gets a lot of pressure to blend in?

Being the family scapegoat is a challenging position to be in but also gives greater freedom to chart our own course.

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Good Enough is the New Perfect

1/7/2022

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Good Enough Not Perfect

Good Enough is Enough

Giving ourselves the grace of “good enough” is a gift that keeps on giving.

The irony is that we’re often able to do/be better than we otherwise would in chasing the mythical place of perfection.

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Stop Chasing People

1/5/2022

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Stop Chasing People

Spending Our Time Wisely

It’s a self-empowering act to stop chasing people but rather spend our time more wisely with people who value our presence and naturally have time/interest in reciprocating.

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Ways to Stop Future Tripping

1/1/2022

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Stop Future Tripping

Coming Back to the Present

It’s easy to “future trip” when our present is already so challenging.

Instead of worrying about a future that may never come to fruition, coming back to the present moment and cultivating moments of playfulness, pleasure, connection and gratitude is the antidote.

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Signs of Growing up Too Fast

12/29/2021

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Growing Up Too Fast

Why We Lose Our Childhood

When we’re forced to grow up too fast, we still have childlike needs that need to be met in adulthood.

Understanding what caused us to lose our childhood and ways to reparent ourselves in adulthood is the beginning.

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Reparenting Ourselves with Love

12/17/2021

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Reparenting Our Inner Child

Caring for Our Inner Child

No one has a “perfect” childhood but the need to reparent ourselves is especially critical when our needs were consistently unmet.

Childhood wounds can interrupt our lives into adulthood but thankfully we can still learn, heal and grow.

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Don't Feel All Your Feelings

12/16/2021

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Emotional Regulation

Finding the Right Balance

Anything taken to an extreme can become problematic.

We don’t need to attend to all feelings and all thoughts.

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Impact of Childhood Trauma

12/2/2021

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Impact of Childhood Trauma

Childhood Abuse Impacts Us into Adulthood

An integral part of healing from childhood abuse is recognizing the ways that it impacts us in the present.

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Being "Normal" is NOT the Goal

9/30/2021

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Am I Normal?

Living Our Most Authentic Lives Matters

One of the questions I get asked the most as a therapist is, “Am I normal?”

Underneath this question is often a desire to fit in, to belong, and to know that we’re not alone.

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Don't Use Labels as a Weapon

9/28/2021

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Labels As Weapons

Pathologizing Others Harms Us Too

Labeling other people’s behavior with derogatory and inaccurate terms is harmful for others but also for ourselves.

When we judge others harshly or project our own discomfort onto them, we’re less likely to give ourselves permission to be human and do our own growth.

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Stop Weaponizing Emotional Eating

9/26/2021

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Stop Weaponizing Emotional Eating

More Compassion, Less Stigma

We’ve received so many messed up messages about food, eating, and our bodies that we can internalize these messages in harmful ways.

Instead of pathologizing and discriminating against diverse bodies, let’s appreciate all the colors of the body rainbow.

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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

9/24/2021

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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome Can Bring Growing Pains

One of my most memorable experiences feeling “Imposter Syndrome” was walking down the hallway of my new therapy office to greet my first client ever in private practice almost 22 years ago.

Feeling the anxiety of intense self-doubt can be paralyzing but it also can be the result of growing pains.

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Healing Isn't Linear

9/21/2021

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Process of Healing

Healing Comes With Progress & Set Backs

Healing is often a slow and steady process with plenty of setbacks.

That’s perfectly okay.

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Denying Your Pain Doesn't Make you Stronger

9/20/2021

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Being Vulnerable is Courageous

Being Vulnerable is Courageous

It makes us stronger to acknowledge our pain and more likely that we can heal when we do so.

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Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

9/19/2021

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Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

How We Use Our Time Matters

We don’t automatically heal or gain wisdom with the passing of time.

It’s how we use our lived experiences that gives us that.

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Signs Your Boss is a Narcissist

9/16/2021

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Signs Your Boss is a Narcissist

Awareness is Key to Self-Empowerment

Having a self-absorbed perfectionist for a boss can be a huge headache and even detrimental to our health and well-being in larger ways.

Interacting with them can erode our confidence and sense of reality as we’re constantly mistreated and even blamed for their own failures.

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James Guay (#lmft39252)
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
​for clients residing in the State of California
310-405-0840
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  • Home
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