Scapegoats See the Family Dysfunction
Have you felt like a lone wolf in your family that gets a lot of pressure to blend in?
Being the family scapegoat is a challenging position to be in but also gives greater freedom to chart our own course.
Good Enough is Enough
Giving ourselves the grace of “good enough” is a gift that keeps on giving.
The irony is that we’re often able to do/be better than we otherwise would in chasing the mythical place of perfection.
Spending Our Time Wisely
It’s a self-empowering act to stop chasing people but rather spend our time more wisely with people who value our presence and naturally have time/interest in reciprocating.
Coming Back to the Present
It’s easy to “future trip” when our present is already so challenging.
Instead of worrying about a future that may never come to fruition, coming back to the present moment and cultivating moments of playfulness, pleasure, connection and gratitude is the antidote.
Caring for Our Inner Child
No one has a “perfect” childhood but the need to reparent ourselves is especially critical when our needs were consistently unmet.
Childhood wounds can interrupt our lives into adulthood but thankfully we can still learn, heal and grow.
Finding the Right Balance
Anything taken to an extreme can become problematic.
We don’t need to attend to all feelings and all thoughts.
Childhood Abuse Impacts Us into Adulthood
An integral part of healing from childhood abuse is recognizing the ways that it impacts us in the present.
Living Our Most Authentic Lives Matters
One of the questions I get asked the most as a therapist is, “Am I normal?”
Underneath this question is often a desire to fit in, to belong, and to know that we’re not alone.
Pathologizing Others Harms Us Too
Labeling other people’s behavior with derogatory and inaccurate terms is harmful for others but also for ourselves.
When we judge others harshly or project our own discomfort onto them, we’re less likely to give ourselves permission to be human and do our own growth.
More Compassion, Less Stigma
We’ve received so many messed up messages about food, eating, and our bodies that we can internalize these messages in harmful ways.
Instead of pathologizing and discriminating against diverse bodies, let’s appreciate all the colors of the body rainbow.
Imposter Syndrome Can Bring Growing Pains
One of my most memorable experiences feeling “Imposter Syndrome” was walking down the hallway of my new therapy office to greet my first client ever in private practice almost 22 years ago.
Feeling the anxiety of intense self-doubt can be paralyzing but it also can be the result of growing pains.
Healing Comes With Progress & Set Backs
Healing is often a slow and steady process with plenty of setbacks.
That’s perfectly okay.
Being Vulnerable is Courageous
It makes us stronger to acknowledge our pain and more likely that we can heal when we do so.
How We Use Our Time Matters
We don’t automatically heal or gain wisdom with the passing of time.
It’s how we use our lived experiences that gives us that.
Awareness is Key to Self-Empowerment
Having a self-absorbed perfectionist for a boss can be a huge headache and even detrimental to our health and well-being in larger ways.
Interacting with them can erode our confidence and sense of reality as we’re constantly mistreated and even blamed for their own failures.
Poor Behaviors Aren't Necessary
Just because we feel strongly about something doesn’t mean we have the right to treat others poorly.
This isn’t about perfection or being robotic, it’s about learning and taking responsibility for our lives
Replacing Self-Judgment with Self-Compassion
Our “Inner Child” represents that part of ourselves that is playful, creative and yet has also been hurt.
Instead of kicking ourselves when we’re down, we can learn to console ourselves with encouragement and love.
Have Reasonable Expectations
Too often we’re told to “Rise Above” or “Be the Bigger Person” in situations where we’re being poorly treated.
This can too easily be misinterpreted that we shouldn’t advocate for ourselves, ask for more or set appropriate boundaries
Finding Balance with Our Feelings
“Feeling our feelings” can be taken to an extreme where we’re doing it 24/7.
This is about striking the right balance between overindulging & ruminating on one side and denying or ignoring on the other.
Taking Action Can Bring Insight
Having insight is certainly helpful but it’s not necessary for change.
Knowing ourselves is a life-long journey where we learn how to navigate life well.
Benefits of Sensitivity & Tenderness
Being sensitive and tender is pathologized in cultures that deem anything considered “feminine” to be less than.
It’s a self-empowering act to rebel against these messages and radically accept ourselves.
Kindness is a Powerful Tool for Change
Being kind is too often mistaken for being nice, passive or a pushover.
Instead, kindness is a powerful tool for change.
We Can Have Internal Resolution without Forgiveness
While forgiveness is useful for minor offenses in ongoing relationships it isn’t a requirement for healing larger-scale abuses.
We too often are too quick to forgive as a way of trying to avoid the pain of what it actually takes to do so.
Being Curious Instead of Judgmental Of Ourselves
Instead of getting lost in the drama of toxic relationships, it’s a better use of our time to mindfully explore what draws us to them in the first place.
What is the Inner Critic?
Our Inner Critic is that part of ourselves that judges us no matter what we say or do.
It operates to protect us from rejection, embarrassment and failure but does so in a way that causes us harm.