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Being "Normal" is NOT the Goal

9/30/2021

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Am I Normal?

Living Our Most Authentic Lives Matters

One of the questions I get asked the most as a therapist is, “Am I normal?”

Underneath this question is often a desire to fit in, to belong, and to know that we’re not alone.

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Is it True, Kind, Necessary & the Right Timing?

9/29/2021

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Is it true, kind, necessary & the right timing?

When Should We Share Something?

There is so much conflict in the world made worse by violent speech.

An antidote to this is sharing mindfully.

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Don't Use Labels as a Weapon

9/28/2021

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Labels As Weapons

Pathologizing Others Harms Us Too

Labeling other people’s behavior with derogatory and inaccurate terms is harmful for others but also for ourselves.

When we judge others harshly or project our own discomfort onto them, we’re less likely to give ourselves permission to be human and do our own growth.

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5 to 1 Magic Relationship Ratio

9/27/2021

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Feeding Relationships

Feed Relationships with Positive Experiences

The Magic Relationship Ratio for stable and happy relationships is 5 positive interactions (or more) for every 1 negative one. (Credit for Research on Magic Ratio: @gottmaninstitute & Robert Levenson)
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It can be surprising to hear this but based on our self-protective negativity bias as humans we tend to focus on the negative for longer periods of time.

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Stop Weaponizing Emotional Eating

9/26/2021

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Stop Weaponizing Emotional Eating

More Compassion, Less Stigma

We’ve received so many messed up messages about food, eating, and our bodies that we can internalize these messages in harmful ways.

Instead of pathologizing and discriminating against diverse bodies, let’s appreciate all the colors of the body rainbow.

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Stop Over Apologizing

9/25/2021

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Stop Over Apologizing

Apologizing Isn't Always Necessary

Apologies are necessary in relationships but when we overdo it when it’s unnecessary it becomes problematic.

We don’t need to apologize for our existence.

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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

9/24/2021

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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome Can Bring Growing Pains

One of my most memorable experiences feeling “Imposter Syndrome” was walking down the hallway of my new therapy office to greet my first client ever in private practice almost 22 years ago.

Feeling the anxiety of intense self-doubt can be paralyzing but it also can be the result of growing pains.

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Toxic Positivity Doesn't Work

9/23/2021

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Toxic Positivity Doesn't Work

Toxic Positivity is a Psychological Bypass

When we deny anything considered “negative” in our lives and turn everything into a positive, we limit our natural experiences in life and we become less authentic.

Toxic positivity is fake positivity that becomes a psychological bypass over anything uncomfortable.

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Ways to Stop Unsolicited Advice

9/22/2021

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Stopping Unsolicited Advice

Asking for What We Need

Much of what we actually need is someone to sit with us in our pain and distress.

Too often we jump to problem solving mode and do a psychological bypass over getting to know what ails us.

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Healing Isn't Linear

9/21/2021

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Process of Healing

Healing Comes With Progress & Set Backs

Healing is often a slow and steady process with plenty of setbacks.

That’s perfectly okay.

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Denying Your Pain Doesn't Make you Stronger

9/20/2021

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Being Vulnerable is Courageous

Being Vulnerable is Courageous

It makes us stronger to acknowledge our pain and more likely that we can heal when we do so.

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Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

9/19/2021

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Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

How We Use Our Time Matters

We don’t automatically heal or gain wisdom with the passing of time.

It’s how we use our lived experiences that gives us that.

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Fair Fighting Agreements

9/18/2021

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Fair Fighting Agreements

Having conflict and resolving it well helps build intimacy in relationships.

But there are ways that conflict can be destructive too.

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Self-Criticism Stalls Healing

9/17/2021

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Self-Criticism Stalls Healing

Self-Criticism Often Leads to Repeat Behaviors

We believe that if we punish ourselves for past behaviors, that we’ll be less likely to repeat them.

Unfortunately, the opposite is true.

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Signs Your Boss is a Narcissist

9/16/2021

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Signs Your Boss is a Narcissist

Awareness is Key to Self-Empowerment

Having a self-absorbed perfectionist for a boss can be a huge headache and even detrimental to our health and well-being in larger ways.

Interacting with them can erode our confidence and sense of reality as we’re constantly mistreated and even blamed for their own failures.

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Valid Feelings Don't Justify Poor Behaviors

9/15/2021

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Valid Feelings don't Justify Poor Behaviors

Poor Behaviors Aren't Necessary

Just because we feel strongly about something doesn’t mean we have the right to treat others poorly.

This isn’t about perfection or being robotic, it’s about learning and taking responsibility for our lives

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Caring for Your Inner Child

9/14/2021

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Caring for Your Inner Child

Replacing Self-Judgment with Self-Compassion

Our “Inner Child” represents that part of ourselves that is playful, creative and yet has also been hurt.

Instead of kicking ourselves when we’re down, we can learn to console ourselves with encouragement and love.

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Instead of ghosting Try this

9/13/2021

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Ghosting Alternatives

Benefits of Mindful Endings

Being able to gracefully end relationships helps us develop and maintain the skills for satisfying relationships.

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Don't Be the Bigger Person

9/12/2021

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Don't Be the Bigger Person

Have Reasonable Expectations

Too often we’re told to “Rise Above” or “Be the Bigger Person” in situations where we’re being poorly treated.

This can too easily be misinterpreted that we shouldn’t advocate for ourselves, ask for more or set appropriate boundaries

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It's okay to Take a Break from Feeling

9/11/2021

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It's okay to take a break from feeling

Finding Balance with Our Feelings

“Feeling our feelings” can be taken to an extreme where we’re doing it 24/7.

This is about striking the right balance between overindulging & ruminating on one side and denying or ignoring on the other.

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Insight is Not Essential for Change

9/10/2021

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Insight is NOT necessary for change

Taking Action Can Bring Insight

Having insight is certainly helpful but it’s not necessary for change.

Knowing ourselves is a life-long journey where we learn how to navigate life well.

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Ingredients of a True Apology

9/9/2021

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Ingredients of a True Apology

True Apologies are Necessary for Us All

Apologies are essential in all human relationships.

After all, we are human and mess up at times. That’s how we learn, heal and grow.

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We can Have Empathy & Not Change

9/8/2021

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We can have empathy with others and not change

Self-Reflection Doesn't Always Include Changing 

We cannot please everyone.

Sometimes our actions, words or beliefs make other people feel uncomfortable.

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You Are NOT What You Think

9/7/2021

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You are NOT what you think

Thoughts are Just Thoughts

You are NOT what you think!

Actually, all of us have 1000’s of thoughts per day, some of them that repeat.

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3 Dating Essentials

9/6/2021

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3 Dating Essentials:  Timing, Availability, Chemistry

Essential Ingredients to Dating

Dating can be extremely frustrating!

It can feel like too many things need to align for a relationship to even begin, let alone blossom.

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Contact
James Guay (#lmft39252)
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
​for clients residing in the State of California
310-405-0840
james@livingmorefully.com

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8581 Santa Monica Blvd #146
West Hollywood, CA 90069

  • Home
  • Appointments
  • Services
    • Anxiety Therapy
    • Couples Therapy
    • LGBTQ Therapy
    • Mindfulness Therapy
    • Friendship Therapy
    • The James & Heather Show
    • Retreats
  • Biography
  • Testimonials
  • Vlog