Living Our Most Authentic Lives Matters
One of the questions I get asked the most as a therapist is, “Am I normal?”
Underneath this question is often a desire to fit in, to belong, and to know that we’re not alone.
When Should We Share Something?
There is so much conflict in the world made worse by violent speech.
An antidote to this is sharing mindfully.
Pathologizing Others Harms Us Too
Labeling other people’s behavior with derogatory and inaccurate terms is harmful for others but also for ourselves.
When we judge others harshly or project our own discomfort onto them, we’re less likely to give ourselves permission to be human and do our own growth.
Feed Relationships with Positive Experiences
The Magic Relationship Ratio for stable and happy relationships is 5 positive interactions (or more) for every 1 negative one. (Credit for Research on Magic Ratio: @gottmaninstitute & Robert Levenson)
It can be surprising to hear this but based on our self-protective negativity bias as humans we tend to focus on the negative for longer periods of time.
More Compassion, Less Stigma
We’ve received so many messed up messages about food, eating, and our bodies that we can internalize these messages in harmful ways.
Instead of pathologizing and discriminating against diverse bodies, let’s appreciate all the colors of the body rainbow.
Apologizing Isn't Always Necessary
Apologies are necessary in relationships but when we overdo it when it’s unnecessary it becomes problematic.
We don’t need to apologize for our existence.
Imposter Syndrome Can Bring Growing Pains
One of my most memorable experiences feeling “Imposter Syndrome” was walking down the hallway of my new therapy office to greet my first client ever in private practice almost 22 years ago.
Feeling the anxiety of intense self-doubt can be paralyzing but it also can be the result of growing pains.
Toxic Positivity is a Psychological Bypass
When we deny anything considered “negative” in our lives and turn everything into a positive, we limit our natural experiences in life and we become less authentic.
Toxic positivity is fake positivity that becomes a psychological bypass over anything uncomfortable.
Asking for What We Need
Much of what we actually need is someone to sit with us in our pain and distress.
Too often we jump to problem solving mode and do a psychological bypass over getting to know what ails us.
Healing Comes With Progress & Set Backs
Healing is often a slow and steady process with plenty of setbacks.
That’s perfectly okay.
Being Vulnerable is Courageous
It makes us stronger to acknowledge our pain and more likely that we can heal when we do so.
How We Use Our Time Matters
We don’t automatically heal or gain wisdom with the passing of time.
It’s how we use our lived experiences that gives us that.
Having conflict and resolving it well helps build intimacy in relationships.
But there are ways that conflict can be destructive too.
Self-Criticism Often Leads to Repeat Behaviors
We believe that if we punish ourselves for past behaviors, that we’ll be less likely to repeat them.
Unfortunately, the opposite is true.
Awareness is Key to Self-Empowerment
Having a self-absorbed perfectionist for a boss can be a huge headache and even detrimental to our health and well-being in larger ways.
Interacting with them can erode our confidence and sense of reality as we’re constantly mistreated and even blamed for their own failures.
Poor Behaviors Aren't Necessary
Just because we feel strongly about something doesn’t mean we have the right to treat others poorly.
This isn’t about perfection or being robotic, it’s about learning and taking responsibility for our lives
Replacing Self-Judgment with Self-Compassion
Our “Inner Child” represents that part of ourselves that is playful, creative and yet has also been hurt.
Instead of kicking ourselves when we’re down, we can learn to console ourselves with encouragement and love.
Benefits of Mindful Endings
Being able to gracefully end relationships helps us develop and maintain the skills for satisfying relationships.
Have Reasonable Expectations
Too often we’re told to “Rise Above” or “Be the Bigger Person” in situations where we’re being poorly treated.
This can too easily be misinterpreted that we shouldn’t advocate for ourselves, ask for more or set appropriate boundaries
Finding Balance with Our Feelings
“Feeling our feelings” can be taken to an extreme where we’re doing it 24/7.
This is about striking the right balance between overindulging & ruminating on one side and denying or ignoring on the other.
Taking Action Can Bring Insight
Having insight is certainly helpful but it’s not necessary for change.
Knowing ourselves is a life-long journey where we learn how to navigate life well.
True Apologies are Necessary for Us All
Apologies are essential in all human relationships.
After all, we are human and mess up at times. That’s how we learn, heal and grow.
Self-Reflection Doesn't Always Include Changing
We cannot please everyone.
Sometimes our actions, words or beliefs make other people feel uncomfortable.
Thoughts are Just Thoughts
You are NOT what you think!
Actually, all of us have 1000’s of thoughts per day, some of them that repeat.
Essential Ingredients to Dating
Dating can be extremely frustrating!
It can feel like too many things need to align for a relationship to even begin, let alone blossom.