Ways to Stop Unsolicited Advice

Asking for What We Need

Much of what we actually need is someone to sit with us in our pain and distress.

Too often we jump to problem solving mode and do a psychological bypass over getting to know what ails us.

Instead, if someone jumps to giving unsolicited advice, we can kindly stop them and ask for what we need at that moment.

Reasons Unsolicited Advice is Offered:

• To help alleviate your pain and distress
• They're uncomfortable sitting with discomfort
• It's the way they've been socialized to help

However, unsolicited advice can feel patronizing, inappropriate and unwanted.

Sometimes all we need, or the first thing we need, is someone to care about us and be with our pain.

Words to Use to Stop Unsolicited Advice:

"I need to interrupt you.  What I REALLY need right now is you to understand what I'm going through and express care, not advice."

"While you give really great advice, what I need right now is for you to listen, care and just be with me."

"I know you mean well but when you give advice I feel less heard and understood.  Can you just listen instead right now?"

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