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Why Radical Self-Acceptance Is the Best Gift

12/6/2024

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Key Points:

  • Embracing Radical Self-Acceptance: Fully embrace every part of yourself—strengths, flaws, thoughts, and feelings—without judgment. This creates a compassionate foundation for personal growth.
  • Breaking Free from Self-Judgment: Self-judgment stems from perfectionism and societal expectations, creating a gap between reality and idealized versions of ourselves. Replacing criticism with compassion breaks this cycle.
  • Cultivating Self-Compassion: Practice kindness toward yourself, recognize shared human struggles, and observe emotions mindfully to embrace imperfection and nurture self-compassion.
  • Transformative Practices for Growth: Use daily mindfulness, reframe mistakes as opportunities for growth, and celebrate small wins to foster self-acceptance and sustainable personal development.
  • Lasting Benefits of Self-Acceptance: Radical self-acceptance builds resilience, fosters authentic relationships, and supports growth fueled by curiosity and love rather than fear or shame.

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Letting Go of Perfectionism

11/16/2024

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Key Points:

  • Perfectionism’s Trap: Unrealistic standards create constant self-criticism, frustration, and a cycle of dissatisfaction.
  • Impact on Relationships: Perfectionism damages trust by imposing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others, blocking authentic connections.
  • Steps to Overcome Perfectionism: Aim for “good enough,” adopt a Practical Optimizer mindset, and commit to decisions without overthinking.
  • Self-Compassion as Key: Strive for excellence with self-compassion, viewing mistakes as growth opportunities.
  • Embrace Progress Over Perfection: Take small steps to embrace imperfection, fostering genuine growth and fulfillment.

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Lesson Learned on Hiking Trails in 2024

11/2/2024

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Key Points:

  • Escaping Digital Noise: Nature offers a peaceful escape from the constant stream of notifications and news, allowing space to reconnect with what matters.
  • Learning to Pace: Hiking solo has taught me the importance of listening to my rhythm and pacing myself for sustained progress.
  • Building Resilience: Facing physical challenges on the trail has strengthened my mental resilience, helping me tackle life’s obstacles with calm.
  • Gaining Perspective: Reaching a summit like Mt. Whitney puts life in perspective, reminding me of what truly matters.
  • Self-Compassion: Hiking fosters a kinder relationship with myself, teaching me to appreciate my strengths and let go of perfectionism.

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How to Stop People-Pleasing and Start Prioritizing Yourself

10/21/2024

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Key Points:

  • Acknowledge the Impact of People-Pleasing: Recognize how people-pleasing behavior leads to exhaustion, frustration, and disconnection from your true self.
  • Set Healthy Boundaries: Learning to say “no” and establish boundaries is crucial for maintaining your well-being and creating healthier relationships.
  • Practice Assertive Communication: Speak your truth without diminishing others, using clear and respectful communication to express your needs and desires.
  • Release Guilt and Self-Validate: Let go of the guilt associated with not meeting others’ expectations and focus on validating yourself, recognizing your strengths and accomplishments.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health by engaging in activities that nourish you and surrounding yourself with supportive people.

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Let Go of Over-Giving: Embrace Healthier Relationships

9/23/2024

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Key Points:

  • Acknowledging Your Emotional Reality: Identify your emotions, including anger, as valid indicators that your needs are unmet.
  • Compassionate Boundaries: Conflict arises when needs are unmet or misaligned. It’s acceptable to communicate your needs while setting boundaries with self-compassion.
  • Grieving and Letting Go: Allow yourself to grieve what was, what could have been, or the story of how the relationship "should" have looked, along with any unmet expectations.
  • Redirecting Your Energy: Stop demanding reciprocity and redirect your emotional energy toward activities and people who nourish and reciprocate your efforts.
  • Self-Compassion and Renewal: Practicing self-compassion acknowledges unmet needs and grief, creating space for healthier, more reciprocal relationships.

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Want Better Relationships? Start with Loving Yourself

9/9/2024

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Key Points:

  1. Honoring All Feelings: Recognize and validate your emotions, including anger, as important signals that your needs aren’t being met.
  2. Compassion with Boundaries: Understand that conflict arises from misaligned needs, and use self-compassion to communicate while setting boundaries when needs go unmet.
  3. Grieving and Letting Go: Allow yourself to grieve what once was, what could have been, or the idealized version of the relationship, while releasing unrealistic expectations.
  4. Redirecting Your Energy: Stop forcing reciprocity and invest your emotional energy in activities and people that give back and nourish you.
  5. Self-Compassion and Renewal: Embrace self-compassion as a way to honor your needs, grieve losses, and make space for healthier, more reciprocal relationships.

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Your Built-In GPS: How Feelings Guide Your Life and Well-Being

8/20/2024

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Key Points:

  1. Purpose of Feelings: Feelings are internal GPS systems that guide us through our lives and our environments, letting us know what is working and what is not in our goal to survive and thrive based on our needs.
  2. Emotional Resilience: If we honor our feelings, we can be more resilient to life's roller coasters because we can have a relationship with our feelings as allies to our day, noting that our feelings alert us to the fact that something needs to be done or attended to.
  3. Pleasure and Pain: Feelings let us know when we are in pleasure and in pain, ideally motivating us to keep moving towards pleasure and away from pain as a path to a content life.
  4. Risk of Fallout: If we suppress our feelings, we may be at risk of depression, anxiety, and unhappiness, as we're missing out on our best path towards survival and thriving.
  5. Tips and Tricks: I encourage others to remember their feelings throughout the day, checking in with themselves without judgment, practicing self-compassion and attending to feelings in an appropriate way, getting plenty of support, creating a safe internal environment, and practicing mindfulness throughout the day to stay aware. 

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Post-Traumatic Growth?

3/19/2022

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What is Post Traumatic Growth?

Opportunities for Growth

Trauma shatters our lives in so many profound ways.

While it takes tremendous effort to heal, it can also produce some incredible opportunities for growth.

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Addressing Resentments in Relationships

3/10/2022

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Addressing Resentments in Relationships

Resentments Are Toxic to Relationships

Repeated experiences of slights and mistreatments that are unresolved build resentment in relationships.

When we address them along the way, they have less power over us and our relationships have a better opportunity to function at their best.

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Signs of a Toxic Work Relationship

1/28/2022

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Toxic Work Friendship

Work Friendships Are Complicated

Work friendships are often complicated with competing personal and professional needs.

We need to recognize the signs when they become toxic so that we can limit our contact or set stronger boundaries.

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Signs of Losing Yourself

1/25/2022

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Signs of Losing Yourself

Neglecting Ourselves to Protect Ourselves

When life is especially painful and challenging we can lose ourselves in the process.

It’s often a defense to protect ourselves.

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How to Pause Difficult Conversations

1/15/2022

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Difficult Conversations

Take a Time Out When Needed

While we may have an urgency to resolve conflict, when things escalate too far it’s much more likely that we won’t do it well.

Instead, we need to take a break — at least 20-25 minutes — and come back at it when we’re more capable of thinking clearly.

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Are you the Family Scapegoat?

1/12/2022

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Family Scapegoat

Scapegoats See the Family Dysfunction

Have you felt like a lone wolf in your family that gets a lot of pressure to blend in?

Being the family scapegoat is a challenging position to be in but also gives greater freedom to chart our own course.

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Good Enough is the New Perfect

1/7/2022

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Good Enough Not Perfect

Good Enough is Enough

Giving ourselves the grace of “good enough” is a gift that keeps on giving.

The irony is that we’re often able to do/be better than we otherwise would in chasing the mythical place of perfection.

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Ways to Stop Future Tripping

1/1/2022

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Stop Future Tripping

Coming Back to the Present

It’s easy to “future trip” when our present is already so challenging.

Instead of worrying about a future that may never come to fruition, coming back to the present moment and cultivating moments of playfulness, pleasure, connection and gratitude is the antidote.

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Signs of Growing up Too Fast

12/29/2021

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Growing Up Too Fast

Why We Lose Our Childhood

When we’re forced to grow up too fast, we still have childlike needs that need to be met in adulthood.

Understanding what caused us to lose our childhood and ways to reparent ourselves in adulthood is the beginning.

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How to Respond to Rude People

12/27/2021

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Responding to Rude People

How We Respond Matters

Current life events can bring out the worst in others.

How we respond to people being rude has an impact on our emotional health and well-being.

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Dysfunctional Societal Expectations

12/24/2021

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Dysfunctional Societal Expectations

Why We Do What We Do

When we find ourselves doing things that ultimately drain us, it’s frequently because we’ve internalized dysfunctional societal expectations.

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Reparenting Ourselves with Love

12/17/2021

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Reparenting Our Inner Child

Caring for Our Inner Child

No one has a “perfect” childhood but the need to reparent ourselves is especially critical when our needs were consistently unmet.

Childhood wounds can interrupt our lives into adulthood but thankfully we can still learn, heal and grow.

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Don't Feel All Your Feelings

12/16/2021

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Emotional Regulation

Finding the Right Balance

Anything taken to an extreme can become problematic.

We don’t need to attend to all feelings and all thoughts.

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Finding What Truly Matters

12/10/2021

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What Really Matters

Core Values Connects Us to What Matters

When we’re connected to our life’s purpose and prioritize this in our daily lives, we live more fully.

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Sign You're Codependent

12/9/2021

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Signs You're Codependent

Characteristics of Codependency

When we experience being codependent, we miss opportunities for more enjoyable ways of relating.

Striking a balance between independence and autonomy while also having connection and togetherness is not easy to achieve — interdependence.

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Impact of Childhood Trauma

12/2/2021

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Impact of Childhood Trauma

Childhood Abuse Impacts Us into Adulthood

An integral part of healing from childhood abuse is recognizing the ways that it impacts us in the present.

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How to Boost Happy Hormones

11/11/2021

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Ways to Boost Happy Hormones

Benefits of Neurotransmitters

Having our hormones in balance helps us live life more fully.

There are many things we can do to naturally boost the right amounts of chemicals in our bodies.

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Introversion vs Social Anxiety

11/8/2021

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Introversion vs Social Anxiety

Introversion is Not Social Anxiety

We can confuse introversion with social anxiety, but they’re very different.

Introversion is a personality characteristic where we feel re-energized by spending alone time. It doesn’t mean we don’t also like being around people.

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Contact
James Guay (#lmft39252)
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
​for clients residing in the State of California
310-405-0840
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  • Home
  • Appointments
  • Online Therapy Services
    • Anxiety Online Therapy
    • Couples Online Therapy
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  • Contact
  • Biography
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