Looking good can feel good.

There is nothing inherently superficial about enjoying clothes, caring for our bodies, appreciating beauty, or wanting to feel attractive. We might enjoy the confidence that comes from putting on something we love or the pleasure of seeing ourselves in a photograph and thinking, I look good.
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But appearance can gradually begin to carry more weight than that. Looking good might become connected to feeling wanted, included, respected, noticed, or desirable. Instead of being one part of how we express ourselves, appearance can start to feel like something we need in order to maintain our place in the world.

There can be a particular complexity to getting older as a gay man. For some of us, becoming comfortable with who we are took a long time. We might have spent years questioning ourselves, hiding parts of ourselves, or trying to find places where we could belong more fully.

Then, just as we become more comfortable being seen, we can encounter another set of messages about whose bodies are desirable, whose photographs get attention, and who seems to be noticed.

Have you ever been curious if couples counseling could improve your relationship?  Do you want outside help to create a better relationship or to end your relationship amicably? Whether you’re in a high-conflict or conflict-avoidant relationship, whether you’re interested in rebuilding trust, communicating more effectively, or deepening vulnerability and intimacy with your partner(s), couples counseling with the right therapist and the right conditions, can be very effective.

​In the past several weeks, multiple victims of sexual violence have highlighted the prevalence of their experiences in the entertainment industry as well as in politics.  Too often the media has focused on the perpetrators of these acts, their denials, their minimizations, and their lack of responding with an adequate apology.
 
— But what about the victims?  

Aging can bring with it fear of invisibility, rejection and physical decline.  For gay men aging, these concerns can be heightened because of the extra pressures placed on us to look forever young — especially in Los Angeles.  We might protect ourselves from this by busying our lives, denying the inevitable and spending an inordinate amount of time or money on looking young.  Fortunately, there can be positive experiences with aging too.

Imagine a gay couple whose age difference is greater than 10 years.  What’s your first un-censored response when you imagine them?  Do you judge, cringe, or assume what’s going on between them?  Are you in a relationship with a much older/younger person but still have internalized shame about this?

​Gay men’s relationships have faced an onslaught of repeated attacks by society-at-large.  Is gay marriage one of them?

How will marriage equality impact gay relationships?  How will gay marriages redefine the social construct of marriage?

1984.  Cyndi Lauper’s, “Time after Time,” becomes a top 40’s hit.  Michael Jackson’s hair gets burned in a Pepsi commercial accident.  Apple unveils its revolutionary Macintosh personal computer.  Vanessa Williams surrenders her crown after her Penthouse magazine nude photos are discovered.  Ronald Reagan still hasn’t uttered the word “AIDS” publicly and doesn’t do so until 1987 at the end of his second term.