Venting versus Dumping
Processing our feelings with trustworthy people can be incredibly helpful.
However, there’s a difference between venting in healthy ways and emotionally dumping.
Words of Affirmation Matter
At the end of the day we all want to be seen and valued for who we REALLY are.
It can be a rare gift to give/receive words of affirmation not just for our appearance or role in life but for our character and how we show up in the world.
We Can Have Internal Resolution without Forgiveness
While forgiveness is useful for minor offenses in ongoing relationships it isn’t a requirement for healing larger-scale abuses.
We too often are too quick to forgive as a way of trying to avoid the pain of what it actually takes to do so.
Get Curious Where Feelings Come From
Just because we’re feeling something — like anger, sadness, or hurt — doesn’t mean that it justifies or excuses our behaviors.
If we’re too quick to react when we’re activated we can make more mistakes.
It's Okay to Have Conditions
Having conditions in adult relationships may not sound very romantic but they’re essential nevertheless.
Conditions and basic expectations help relationships thrive if they’re healthy or end if they’re not working well enough for all parties involved.
We all have legitimate narcissistic needs for love, attention and validation.
When these become extreme and out of control, they come at the expense of anyone around us and are only temporarily met.
Being Curious Instead of Judgmental Of Ourselves
Instead of getting lost in the drama of toxic relationships, it’s a better use of our time to mindfully explore what draws us to them in the first place.
Awareness of Settling is Key
Settling for someone that isn’t a good enough fit is problematic for all involved.
We don’t need to judge them or ourselves as better, simply to acknowledge that the combo isn’t working well enough.
What is the Inner Critic?
Our Inner Critic is that part of ourselves that judges us no matter what we say or do.
It operates to protect us from rejection, embarrassment and failure but does so in a way that causes us harm.
Why Do We Crave Stress?
If we grew up in chaotic homes, we can equate intensity with love and aliveness.
It becomes a security blanket that suffocates our ability to more thoroughly enjoy life.
Triggers are Part of the Healing Process
The word “triggers” has been popularized to mean any kind of discomfort or stressor in life.
Having Needs is Being Human
When someone calls us “Too Needy” it’s often because they don’t want to meet our needs, not that there’s anything problematic about them in the first place.
Internalizing the Critical Parent
When we have a parent or caregiver that’s overly critical of us, we can internalize these messages into adulthood and do it to ourselves.
Instead of judging ourselves for being judgmental, we can use the tool of mindfulness to notice how this impacts us, where it comes from and be curious so that we can begin the process of increasing self-compassion.
It's not worth losing ourselves!
Our mental health matters WAY more than, “Winning the gold!”
When we neglect our mental health in the pursuit of success we put ourselves at risk of losing ourselves in the process. So not worth it!
Recognizing Signs without Judgment
Recognizing the signs someone is emotionally unavailable frees us up to find the right fit with someone else who is ready for what we want.
We don’t need to pathologize them or us in the process.