We Can Have Internal Resolution without Forgiveness
While forgiveness is useful for minor offenses in ongoing relationships it isn’t a requirement for healing larger-scale abuses.
We too often are too quick to forgive as a way of trying to avoid the pain of what it actually takes to do so.
Healing requires doing our internal work to reach some level of resolution that doesn’t require the participation or involvement of an abuser.
We can reach internal resolution without forgiving the unforgivable.
Our healing isn't dependent on our perpetrator.
The mass acceptance of forgiveness as essential to healing comes from a misinterpreted Judeo-Christian belief.
Forgiveness has been weaponized to place undue and misplaced responsibility on victims.
Those responsible for harm need to apologize, stop the behaviors, and make amends, whether forgiveness occurs or not.
Even if forgiveness is sometimes a natural byproduct of restorative justice, it doesn't require future contact or an ongoing relationship.
True forgiveness cannot be forced or used as a spiritual or psychological bypass over the pain.
Recognizing that we didn't deserve to be harmed, expressing ourselves and receiving support are much more essential characteristics to healing.