Resolving Conflict Well Increases Intimacy
Avoiding conflict can be detrimental to relationships.
Having and resolving conflict well can lead to greater intimacy.
Spending Our Time Wisely
It’s a self-empowering act to stop chasing people but rather spend our time more wisely with people who value our presence and naturally have time/interest in reciprocating.
Qualities of a True Friend
Good friends show up, care, apologize, invest, and are loyal.
What are qualities you appreciate in your friendships?
Characteristics of Codependency
When we experience being codependent, we miss opportunities for more enjoyable ways of relating.
Striking a balance between independence and autonomy while also having connection and togetherness is not easy to achieve — interdependence.
Over-Explaining is Often Unconscious
There are often underlying reasons for why we do what we do.
It's Okay to Disappoint Others
Finding the right balance between staying true to ourselves while also recognizing our impact is a tricky thing.
Need for Greater Self-Love
Most of us have experienced the pain of not receiving love back.
Sometimes unrequited love shines a spotlight on our need for greater self-love.
It can sometimes be difficult to know if we’re in the honeymoon phase of a new exciting relationship or being “love bombed”.
Love bombing is when someone is saying and doing things we’ve always wanted but somehow it seems disingenuous or lacks the depth of experience it would take to get there.
When Should We Share Something?
There is so much conflict in the world made worse by violent speech.
An antidote to this is sharing mindfully.
Feed Relationships with Positive Experiences
The Magic Relationship Ratio for stable and happy relationships is 5 positive interactions (or more) for every 1 negative one. (Credit for Research on Magic Ratio: @gottmaninstitute & Robert Levenson)
It can be surprising to hear this but based on our self-protective negativity bias as humans we tend to focus on the negative for longer periods of time.
Apologizing Isn't Always Necessary
Apologies are necessary in relationships but when we overdo it when it’s unnecessary it becomes problematic.
We don’t need to apologize for our existence.
Asking for What We Need
Much of what we actually need is someone to sit with us in our pain and distress.
Too often we jump to problem solving mode and do a psychological bypass over getting to know what ails us.
Being Vulnerable is Courageous
It makes us stronger to acknowledge our pain and more likely that we can heal when we do so.
Having conflict and resolving it well helps build intimacy in relationships.
But there are ways that conflict can be destructive too.
Poor Behaviors Aren't Necessary
Just because we feel strongly about something doesn’t mean we have the right to treat others poorly.
This isn’t about perfection or being robotic, it’s about learning and taking responsibility for our lives
Benefits of Mindful Endings
Being able to gracefully end relationships helps us develop and maintain the skills for satisfying relationships.
Have Reasonable Expectations
Too often we’re told to “Rise Above” or “Be the Bigger Person” in situations where we’re being poorly treated.
This can too easily be misinterpreted that we shouldn’t advocate for ourselves, ask for more or set appropriate boundaries
True Apologies are Necessary for Us All
Apologies are essential in all human relationships.
After all, we are human and mess up at times. That’s how we learn, heal and grow.
Self-Reflection Doesn't Always Include Changing
We cannot please everyone.
Sometimes our actions, words or beliefs make other people feel uncomfortable.
Venting versus Dumping
Processing our feelings with trustworthy people can be incredibly helpful.
However, there’s a difference between venting in healthy ways and emotionally dumping.
Words of Affirmation Matter
At the end of the day we all want to be seen and valued for who we REALLY are.
It can be a rare gift to give/receive words of affirmation not just for our appearance or role in life but for our character and how we show up in the world.
It's Okay to Have Conditions
Having conditions in adult relationships may not sound very romantic but they’re essential nevertheless.
Conditions and basic expectations help relationships thrive if they’re healthy or end if they’re not working well enough for all parties involved.
We all have legitimate narcissistic needs for love, attention and validation.
When these become extreme and out of control, they come at the expense of anyone around us and are only temporarily met.
Having Needs is Being Human
When someone calls us “Too Needy” it’s often because they don’t want to meet our needs, not that there’s anything problematic about them in the first place.
Recognizing Signs without Judgment
Recognizing the signs someone is emotionally unavailable frees us up to find the right fit with someone else who is ready for what we want.
We don’t need to pathologize them or us in the process.