True Apologies are Necessary for Us All
Apologies are essential in all human relationships.
After all, we are human and mess up at times. That’s how we learn, heal and grow.
Apologizing helps to repair empathic failures and deepen understanding and care in relationships of all kinds.
But there are many pitfalls offering a true and full apology.
Too often we don’t offer them in the first place or we offer a faux apology that’s meant to reinstate our perspective or silence the other person.
Here are 9 essential ingredients to a “True Apology.”
1. Actually saying you're sorry & what for
2. Taking full responsibility & focusing on your part
3. Committing to not repeating the offense & taking steps to make sure it doesn't
4. Offering to do something extra that's proportionate to the offense
5. Not qualifying or invalidating an apology by using "but" or "if you felt"
6. Not asking for anything from the other person, especially not forgiveness
7. Not offering an apology to relieve your discomfort at their expense
8. Not overdoing it to manipulate the into taking care of you.
9. Not using it to silence their full expression of hurt/anger