Communicating Effectively

Becoming a Better Communicator

Most couples come in to therapy interested in improving the way they communicate with each other and resolve conflict.  Some couples have high conflict while others are conflict avoidant.  In either case, learning to speak more effectively can dramatically improve the health of your relationship(s).

Top 4 Tips to Communicate Better

1. Focus:  Staying focused on one issue at a time is essential to not overwhelm who you're speaking to.  It's also a way of prioritizing what's most important to say so this gets heard more easily.
2. Avoid Attacking:  Make sure you're calm enough to engage in a conversation without attacking each other.  Attacking someone's character, demeaning them, expressing contempt and name calling are all likely to put the other person on the defensive in addition to being destructive to relationships.
3. Learn About Yourself:  Take this opportunity of conflict or disagreement to learn more about yourself.  Notice what your triggers are and how past experiences impact the present.  Be open to discovering something about yourself that you weren't previously aware of.
4. Express Yourself:  Express your thoughts, feelings and needs without holding the other person solely responsible for your reactions.  Use "I" statements as a way of taking responsibility for your own internal landscape.