Out with the Old & In with the New
There are many coping styles that we use depending on our creativity, resources and early modeling.
It’s crucial that we don’t judge them.
Even if they’re no longer working well or come at too high a price, their purpose has been to decrease internal tension/stress.
Instead, let’s recognize when we need to replace old ones and integrate new ones that are more effective.
1. Self Blame
Blaming ourselves and being overly responsible for situations can temporarily reduce fears of rejection & give us a sense of control. This can lead to enabling mistreatment from others & lowered self-esteem.
Adequate sleep is necessary & restorative. Sleeping too much/often is a way of checking out from life’s stressors. We can miss out on developing the skill sets & experiences needed.
Denying that a problem even exists is one way of not dealing with them. This can initially reduce internal tension but we can’t fix or attend to what we don’t admit is there in the first place.
We all need to vent and express ourselves with trustworthy people in our lives. It can be a useful way to process and get support. If this becomes too obsessive, frequent, or prevents us from taking corrective action, it can hinder intimacy & resolution.
5. Adjusting Expectations
Changing our expectations based on new information is adaptive and useful. However, if we change them too frequently or expect too little/much then we suffer more.
6. Seeking Support
Asking for help and emotional support from trustworthy people in our lives is essential for us as social beings. We also need to be there for ourselves when others aren’t available.