Living More Fully
  • Home
  • Appointments
  • Services
    • Anxiety Therapy
    • Couples Therapy
    • LGBTQ Therapy
    • Mindfulness Therapy
    • Friendship Therapy
    • The James & Heather Show
    • Retreats
  • Biography
  • Testimonials
  • Vlog

Taming Your Inner Critic

9/1/2018

0 Comments

 
Befriending Your Inner Critic

Stop Judging Yourself

We have tons of thoughts every minute but when these thoughts are consistently critical and judgmental of ourselves  (i.e. how we’ve failed yet again) then it restricts our ability to live more fully and enjoy our lives.  An intense and relentless Inner Critic can lead to social anxiety, perfectionism, rigidity and depression.

Become More Aware of Your Inner Critic

1.  What is the Inner Critic?
  • It’s a part of us that consistently judges, criticizes, compares, condemns and attacks us and as a result limits our ability to live fully in the present moment.

2.  Where does it come from?
  • It can come from being judged by our parents, peers, authority-figures, religious leaders, politicians etc.
  • It has a protective function, to help us avoid rejection, embarrassment, failure, and hurt.

3.  What words does it use, if any?
  • Sometimes there are no words but rather a felt sense of worthlessness.
  • Sometimes it’s on auto-pilot so it’s difficult to recognize its message.
  • If often not only says, “You’ve failed,” but “You are a failure.”
  • Recognize the language it uses and how intense it is.

4.  What are your physical responses to it?:
  • Depending on how loud and ruthless the Inner Critic is, our body can respond by having restricted breathing, increased heart rate, shrinking shoulders, flushing red face, and averted eye-contact
  • These are often signs of a flight, fight or freeze response we automatically do to respond to danger or trauma.

5.  How does it impact your life?:
  • A loud Inner Critic can increase stress, perfectionism, social anxiety, depression, and isolation.​
Stop Bullying Yourself

Create Distance from Your Inner Bully

1.  Use Mindfulness:
  • Mindfulness is stepping back and taking a look at what’s happening — internally, externally and otherwise — from a place of curiosity and radical acceptance for whatever we notice.
  • If we allow ourselves to become more aware of what’s happening internally, instead of avoiding it, we can eventually learn how to navigate this territory better.

2.  Recognize Inner Critic Characteristics:
  • It will criticize you no matter what so stop trying so hard to please it or out-argue it.
  • It usually uses some element of truth so we believe ALL of what it says.  Don’t fall for this.
  • When you believe it, these beliefs leads to self-defeating behavior that re-enforces what it said in the first place.  It then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
  • Underlying its attacks is a desire to protect you.

3.  View as PART of you but not ALL of you:
  • Just because it communicates with you doesn’t mean it’s true.
  • Don’t believe everything you think.

4.  Use Writing and Visual Imagery:
  • Imagine it as separate than you with a specific function.
  • It may be helpful to write down a conversation with it, like it’s a separate part of you within or draw it that way.
  • It may be helpful to view it like you would view something on a computer screen or television.
Befriend Your Inner Critic

Befriend Your Inner Judge

1.  Respond to You Inner Critic as a Compassionate Friend:
  • Have empathy for this part of yourself, like it’s a hurt child or friend.
  • Reassure your Inner Critic that you’ll do what’s necessary (different than arguing with it) and then follow through so it’ll trust you more to take action when needed.
  • Give yourself permission to make mistakes and be imperfect while also taking responsibility for growing and learning along the way.
  • Practice being more compassionate with yourself.  Compassion isn’t being passive. It actually lets us take action from a less fear-based and more centered place.

2.  Sift the Truth from the Judgement:
  • Value any truth of what your Inner Critic is saying to you.
  • Recognize the judgements as the Inner Critic’s fear that you’ll fail, be hurt, get rejected and ultimately a fear that you won’t be loved.

3.  Set Boundaries:
  • Let your Inner Critic know that it’s not okay to attack you but letting you know it’s concerns is welcomed.
  • Changing the social contract with anyone, including your Inner Critic, can take consistency and time but is well worth the effort.

4.  Take Action:
  • Get clear on what needs to happen, if anything, and take appropriate action.
  • Rebuild trust in yourself and your ability to befriend your Inner Critic.
More Blogs
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Anxiety
    Couples Counseling
    Friendship
    Healing Trauma
    Holidays
    Inner Work
    LGBTQ
    Mental Health Abuses
    Mindfulness
    Process Of Change
    Relationship Advice

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    December 2017
    June 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    August 2015
    January 2015
    November 2012

Contact
James Guay (#lmft39252)
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
​for clients residing in the State of California
310-405-0840
james@livingmorefully.com

Mailing Address

8581 Santa Monica Blvd #146
West Hollywood, CA 90069

  • Home
  • Appointments
  • Services
    • Anxiety Therapy
    • Couples Therapy
    • LGBTQ Therapy
    • Mindfulness Therapy
    • Friendship Therapy
    • The James & Heather Show
    • Retreats
  • Biography
  • Testimonials
  • Vlog