 Being Single & HappyToo often single people are looked down on, excluded and projected onto.
The simple truth is that you can be single and happy, and in a relationship and miserable.
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 Relationships Activate Past WoundsOur most intimate relationships have a way of activating our past wounds and bringing to light the areas we need to work on.
Know that while relationships can be messy they can still be worth the price of admission.  When Should We Share Something?There is so much conflict in the world made worse by violent speech.
An antidote to this is sharing mindfully.  Pathologizing Others Harms Us TooLabeling other people’s behavior with derogatory and inaccurate terms is harmful for others but also for ourselves.
When we judge others harshly or project our own discomfort onto them, we’re less likely to give ourselves permission to be human and do our own growth.  Feed Relationships with Positive ExperiencesThe Magic Relationship Ratio for stable and happy relationships is 5 positive interactions (or more) for every 1 negative one. (Credit for Research on Magic Ratio: @gottmaninstitute & Robert Levenson)
It can be surprising to hear this but based on our self-protective negativity bias as humans we tend to focus on the negative for longer periods of time.  Apologizing Isn't Always NecessaryApologies are necessary in relationships but when we overdo it when it’s unnecessary it becomes problematic.
We don’t need to apologize for our existence.  Asking for What We NeedMuch of what we actually need is someone to sit with us in our pain and distress.
Too often we jump to problem solving mode and do a psychological bypass over getting to know what ails us.  Being Vulnerable is CourageousIt makes us stronger to acknowledge our pain and more likely that we can heal when we do so.
 Having conflict and resolving it well helps build intimacy in relationships.
But there are ways that conflict can be destructive too.  Poor Behaviors Aren't NecessaryJust because we feel strongly about something doesn’t mean we have the right to treat others poorly.
This isn’t about perfection or being robotic, it’s about learning and taking responsibility for our lives  Benefits of Mindful EndingsBeing able to gracefully end relationships helps us develop and maintain the skills for satisfying relationships.
 Have Reasonable ExpectationsToo often we’re told to “Rise Above” or “Be the Bigger Person” in situations where we’re being poorly treated.
This can too easily be misinterpreted that we shouldn’t advocate for ourselves, ask for more or set appropriate boundaries  True Apologies are Necessary for Us AllApologies are essential in all human relationships.
After all, we are human and mess up at times. That’s how we learn, heal and grow.  Self-Reflection Doesn't Always Include ChangingWe cannot please everyone.
Sometimes our actions, words or beliefs make other people feel uncomfortable.  Essential Ingredients to DatingDating can be extremely frustrating!
It can feel like too many things need to align for a relationship to even begin, let alone blossom.  Venting versus DumpingProcessing our feelings with trustworthy people can be incredibly helpful.
However, there’s a difference between venting in healthy ways and emotionally dumping.  Words of Affirmation MatterAt the end of the day we all want to be seen and valued for who we REALLY are.
It can be a rare gift to give/receive words of affirmation not just for our appearance or role in life but for our character and how we show up in the world.  We Can Have Internal Resolution without ForgivenessWhile forgiveness is useful for minor offenses in ongoing relationships it isn’t a requirement for healing larger-scale abuses.
We too often are too quick to forgive as a way of trying to avoid the pain of what it actually takes to do so.  Get Curious Where Feelings Come FromJust because we’re feeling something — like anger, sadness, or hurt — doesn’t mean that it justifies or excuses our behaviors.
If we’re too quick to react when we’re activated we can make more mistakes.  It's Okay to Have ConditionsHaving conditions in adult relationships may not sound very romantic but they’re essential nevertheless.
Conditions and basic expectations help relationships thrive if they’re healthy or end if they’re not working well enough for all parties involved.  We all have legitimate narcissistic needs for love, attention and validation.
When these become extreme and out of control, they come at the expense of anyone around us and are only temporarily met.  Being Curious Instead of Judgmental Of OurselvesInstead of getting lost in the drama of toxic relationships, it’s a better use of our time to mindfully explore what draws us to them in the first place.
 Awareness of Settling is KeySettling for someone that isn’t a good enough fit is problematic for all involved.
We don’t need to judge them or ourselves as better, simply to acknowledge that the combo isn’t working well enough.  Why Do We Crave Stress?If we grew up in chaotic homes, we can equate intensity with love and aliveness.
It becomes a security blanket that suffocates our ability to more thoroughly enjoy life.  Having Needs is Being HumanWhen someone calls us “Too Needy” it’s often because they don’t want to meet our needs, not that there’s anything problematic about them in the first place.
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