Coping with Unrequited Love
Need for Greater Self-Love
Most of us have experienced the pain of not receiving love back.
Sometimes unrequited love shines a spotlight on our need for greater self-love.
Love Bombing Isn't Love
It can sometimes be difficult to know if we’re in the honeymoon phase of a new exciting relationship or being “love bombed”.
Love bombing is when someone is saying and doing things we’ve always wanted but somehow it seems disingenuous or lacks the depth of experience it would take to get there.
Single People Stigma
Being Single & Happy
Too often single people are looked down on, excluded and projected onto.
The simple truth is that you can be single and happy, and in a relationship and miserable.
Love Triggers Us All
Relationships Activate Past Wounds
Our most intimate relationships have a way of activating our past wounds and bringing to light the areas we need to work on.
Know that while relationships can be messy they can still be worth the price of admission.
When Should We Share Something?
There is so much conflict in the world made worse by violent speech.
An antidote to this is sharing mindfully.
Don't Use Labels as a Weapon
Pathologizing Others Harms Us Too
Labeling other people’s behavior with derogatory and inaccurate terms is harmful for others but also for ourselves.
When we judge others harshly or project our own discomfort onto them, we’re less likely to give ourselves permission to be human and do our own growth.
5 to 1 Magic Relationship Ratio
Feed Relationships with Positive Experiences
The Magic Relationship Ratio for stable and happy relationships is 5 positive interactions (or more) for every 1 negative one. (Credit for Research on Magic Ratio: @gottmaninstitute & Robert Levenson)
It can be surprising to hear this but based on our self-protective negativity bias as humans we tend to focus on the negative for longer periods of time.
Stop Over Apologizing
Apologizing Isn't Always Necessary
Apologies are necessary in relationships but when we overdo it when it’s unnecessary it becomes problematic.
We don’t need to apologize for our existence.
Ways to Stop Unsolicited Advice
Asking for What We Need
Much of what we actually need is someone to sit with us in our pain and distress.
Too often we jump to problem solving mode and do a psychological bypass over getting to know what ails us.
Fair Fighting Agreements
Having conflict and resolving it well helps build intimacy in relationships.
But there are ways that conflict can be destructive too.
Poor Behaviors Aren't Necessary
Just because we feel strongly about something doesn’t mean we have the right to treat others poorly.
This isn’t about perfection or being robotic, it’s about learning and taking responsibility for our lives
Instead of ghosting Try this
Benefits of Mindful Endings
Being able to gracefully end relationships helps us develop and maintain the skills for satisfying relationships.
Don't Be the Bigger Person
Have Reasonable Expectations
Too often we’re told to “Rise Above” or “Be the Bigger Person” in situations where we’re being poorly treated.
This can too easily be misinterpreted that we shouldn’t advocate for ourselves, ask for more or set appropriate boundaries
Ingredients of a True Apology
True Apologies are Necessary for Us All
Apologies are essential in all human relationships.
After all, we are human and mess up at times. That’s how we learn, heal and grow.
3 Dating Essentials
Essential Ingredients to Dating
Dating can be extremely frustrating!
It can feel like too many things need to align for a relationship to even begin, let alone blossom.
What is Emotional Dumping?
Venting versus Dumping
Processing our feelings with trustworthy people can be incredibly helpful.
However, there’s a difference between venting in healthy ways and emotionally dumping.
Ways to Express Deep Appreciation
Words of Affirmation Matter
At the end of the day we all want to be seen and valued for who we REALLY are.
It can be a rare gift to give/receive words of affirmation not just for our appearance or role in life but for our character and how we show up in the world.
Get Curious Where Feelings Come From
Just because we’re feeling something — like anger, sadness, or hurt — doesn’t mean that it justifies or excuses our behaviors.
If we’re too quick to react when we’re activated we can make more mistakes.
Adult Relationships Have Conditions
It's Okay to Have Conditions
Having conditions in adult relationships may not sound very romantic but they’re essential nevertheless.
Conditions and basic expectations help relationships thrive if they’re healthy or end if they’re not working well enough for all parties involved.
We all have legitimate narcissistic needs for love, attention and validation.
When these become extreme and out of control, they come at the expense of anyone around us and are only temporarily met.
Signs You Are Settling
Awareness of Settling is Key
Settling for someone that isn’t a good enough fit is problematic for all involved.
We don’t need to judge them or ourselves as better, simply to acknowledge that the combo isn’t working well enough.
Recognizing Signs without Judgment
Recognizing the signs someone is emotionally unavailable frees us up to find the right fit with someone else who is ready for what we want.
We don’t need to pathologize them or us in the process.
What Do You Need?
We can’t possibly meet ALL of our own needs.
We are ALL interconnected.
Saying No is Essential
One of the essential ways we can set healthier boundaries is by saying no.
Knowing a variety of ways of saying no can help us when it’s especially difficult to do so.
7 Signs You've Met the One
The Grass Isn't Often Greener
With so many options that encourage you to keep looking, it can be challenging to know if you’ve met the right person.
Recognizing when you’ve met the right match gives you the opportunity to more thoroughly enjoy and feed that relationship.