It's Okay to Have ConditionsHaving conditions in adult relationships may not sound very romantic but they’re essential nevertheless.
Conditions and basic expectations help relationships thrive if they’re healthy or end if they’re not working well enough for all parties involved.
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We all have legitimate narcissistic needs for love, attention and validation.
When these become extreme and out of control, they come at the expense of anyone around us and are only temporarily met. Being Curious Instead of Judgmental Of OurselvesInstead of getting lost in the drama of toxic relationships, it’s a better use of our time to mindfully explore what draws us to them in the first place.
Awareness of Settling is KeySettling for someone that isn’t a good enough fit is problematic for all involved.
We don’t need to judge them or ourselves as better, simply to acknowledge that the combo isn’t working well enough. What is the Inner Critic?Our Inner Critic is that part of ourselves that judges us no matter what we say or do.
It operates to protect us from rejection, embarrassment and failure but does so in a way that causes us harm. Why Do We Crave Stress?If we grew up in chaotic homes, we can equate intensity with love and aliveness.
It becomes a security blanket that suffocates our ability to more thoroughly enjoy life. Triggers are Part of the Healing ProcessThe word “triggers” has been popularized to mean any kind of discomfort or stressor in life.
Having Needs is Being HumanWhen someone calls us “Too Needy” it’s often because they don’t want to meet our needs, not that there’s anything problematic about them in the first place.
Internalizing the Critical ParentWhen we have a parent or caregiver that’s overly critical of us, we can internalize these messages into adulthood and do it to ourselves.
Instead of judging ourselves for being judgmental, we can use the tool of mindfulness to notice how this impacts us, where it comes from and be curious so that we can begin the process of increasing self-compassion. It's not worth losing ourselves!Our mental health matters WAY more than, “Winning the gold!”
When we neglect our mental health in the pursuit of success we put ourselves at risk of losing ourselves in the process. So not worth it! Recognizing Signs without JudgmentRecognizing the signs someone is emotionally unavailable frees us up to find the right fit with someone else who is ready for what we want.
We don’t need to pathologize them or us in the process. Saying No is EssentialOne of the essential ways we can set healthier boundaries is by saying no.
Knowing a variety of ways of saying no can help us when it’s especially difficult to do so. Urgency Culture Leads to Burn OutWe’re living in a society that demands that we’re in a constant state of urgency.
Recognizing this auto-pilot way of doing things gives us a pause to shift our pace so we can slow down and choose differently. The Grass Isn't Often GreenerWith so many options that encourage you to keep looking, it can be challenging to know if you’ve met the right person.
Recognizing when you’ve met the right match gives you the opportunity to more thoroughly enjoy and feed that relationship. Exploring our Blind SpotsIf we want to be in a long term relationship but keep finding ourselves with someone who isn’t available, it’s likely there’s something unconscious going on.
The more we can be curious, instead of judgmental, the more we can look at our blind spots to increase self-awareness about this dynamic and make subsequent changes. Perseverant to a FaultJust like in intimate relationships, sometimes we stay in unhappy friendships for far too long despite how problematic or dissatisfying they’ve become.
Realistic ExpectationsThere are some essentials that we deserve to give and receive in relationships that help them function at their best.
Codependency DefinitionCodependency is when we live our lives through over-identifying with others feelings, beliefs, and needs to the point where we lose our sense of self.
Don't Let Your Hurt Child Run Your Adult LifeHow we show up for our hurt child makes all the difference in how much we enjoy our adult life.
Being Proactive is KeyThe way we show up in relationships is ultimately what makes them easier.
It takes some upfront proactive work but can save a lot of unnecessary time and drama along the way. 6 Steps to Reparenting YourselfThe concept of reparenting yourself may seem odd but can be so instrumental in your process of healing, growth and enjoyment of life.
Feeling Satisfaction with ProgressFeeling a sense of satisfaction by our progress to date is a sign of healing. Here are some others.
Lead with Care & KindnessThe most dismissive and unhelpful thing we can say to someone who’s upset is “calm down.”
It’s another way of saying, don’t feel what you’re feeling, it’s making me uncomfortable. Never Too LateWhile it’s never too late to learn and hopefully we’re doing so throughout our lives, learning some lessons earlier can help us navigate life better.
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