 Benefits of Mindful EndingsBeing able to gracefully end relationships helps us develop and maintain the skills for satisfying relationships.
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 Have Reasonable ExpectationsToo often we’re told to “Rise Above” or “Be the Bigger Person” in situations where we’re being poorly treated.
This can too easily be misinterpreted that we shouldn’t advocate for ourselves, ask for more or set appropriate boundaries  Finding Balance with Our Feelings“Feeling our feelings” can be taken to an extreme where we’re doing it 24/7.
This is about striking the right balance between overindulging & ruminating on one side and denying or ignoring on the other.  Taking Action Can Bring InsightHaving insight is certainly helpful but it’s not necessary for change.
Knowing ourselves is a life-long journey where we learn how to navigate life well.  True Apologies are Necessary for Us AllApologies are essential in all human relationships.
After all, we are human and mess up at times. That’s how we learn, heal and grow.  Self-Reflection Doesn't Always Include ChangingWe cannot please everyone.
Sometimes our actions, words or beliefs make other people feel uncomfortable.  Thoughts are Just ThoughtsYou are NOT what you think!
Actually, all of us have 1000’s of thoughts per day, some of them that repeat.  Essential Ingredients to DatingDating can be extremely frustrating!
It can feel like too many things need to align for a relationship to even begin, let alone blossom.  Benefits of Sensitivity & TendernessBeing sensitive and tender is pathologized in cultures that deem anything considered “feminine” to be less than.
It’s a self-empowering act to rebel against these messages and radically accept ourselves.  Kindness is a Powerful Tool for ChangeBeing kind is too often mistaken for being nice, passive or a pushover.
Instead, kindness is a powerful tool for change.  Venting versus DumpingProcessing our feelings with trustworthy people can be incredibly helpful.
However, there’s a difference between venting in healthy ways and emotionally dumping.  Words of Affirmation MatterAt the end of the day we all want to be seen and valued for who we REALLY are.
It can be a rare gift to give/receive words of affirmation not just for our appearance or role in life but for our character and how we show up in the world.  We Can Have Internal Resolution without ForgivenessWhile forgiveness is useful for minor offenses in ongoing relationships it isn’t a requirement for healing larger-scale abuses.
We too often are too quick to forgive as a way of trying to avoid the pain of what it actually takes to do so.  Get Curious Where Feelings Come FromJust because we’re feeling something — like anger, sadness, or hurt — doesn’t mean that it justifies or excuses our behaviors.
If we’re too quick to react when we’re activated we can make more mistakes.  It's Okay to Have ConditionsHaving conditions in adult relationships may not sound very romantic but they’re essential nevertheless.
Conditions and basic expectations help relationships thrive if they’re healthy or end if they’re not working well enough for all parties involved.  We all have legitimate narcissistic needs for love, attention and validation.
When these become extreme and out of control, they come at the expense of anyone around us and are only temporarily met.  Being Curious Instead of Judgmental Of OurselvesInstead of getting lost in the drama of toxic relationships, it’s a better use of our time to mindfully explore what draws us to them in the first place.
 Awareness of Settling is KeySettling for someone that isn’t a good enough fit is problematic for all involved.
We don’t need to judge them or ourselves as better, simply to acknowledge that the combo isn’t working well enough.  What is the Inner Critic?Our Inner Critic is that part of ourselves that judges us no matter what we say or do.
It operates to protect us from rejection, embarrassment and failure but does so in a way that causes us harm.  Why Do We Crave Stress?If we grew up in chaotic homes, we can equate intensity with love and aliveness.
It becomes a security blanket that suffocates our ability to more thoroughly enjoy life.  Triggers are Part of the Healing ProcessThe word “triggers” has been popularized to mean any kind of discomfort or stressor in life.
 Having Needs is Being HumanWhen someone calls us “Too Needy” it’s often because they don’t want to meet our needs, not that there’s anything problematic about them in the first place.
 Internalizing the Critical ParentWhen we have a parent or caregiver that’s overly critical of us, we can internalize these messages into adulthood and do it to ourselves.
Instead of judging ourselves for being judgmental, we can use the tool of mindfulness to notice how this impacts us, where it comes from and be curious so that we can begin the process of increasing self-compassion.  It's not worth losing ourselves!Our mental health matters WAY more than, “Winning the gold!”
When we neglect our mental health in the pursuit of success we put ourselves at risk of losing ourselves in the process. So not worth it!  Recognizing Signs without JudgmentRecognizing the signs someone is emotionally unavailable frees us up to find the right fit with someone else who is ready for what we want.
We don’t need to pathologize them or us in the process. |
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